I'm So Stupid

Sometimes I wonder how I manage to get through life. I can be so incredibly dumb.

My post from last night indicated that we were going to try Jack on some formula. I mixed a 4-ounce bottle for Jason to give him during the night. He doesn't wake up for feedings so I thought by being sneaky, he would take to it easily. WRONG!

He gagged. While sleeping. He wasn't happy. This was not a fluke either because Jason tried feeding it to him again while he was awake. Gagging. Not exactly how I want my child to associate with food.

All day I worried and gave myself heartburn because I thought "What if he never drinks it? Is he going to starve when I run out of milk?" I literally worried myself sick. Then I called Jack's pediatrician. They told me that you can mix it with breastmilk so it's less harsh and more appealing. Ease them into it slowly.

DUH! My friend Jenn told me this as well. Double DUH!

So I tried it tonight. 2 ounces of breastmilk to .5 ounces of formula. Guess what? He drank it.

This will be the protocol for the next week. A couple of bottles of this ratio and then we will increase it to 75/25 breastmilk/formula.

In the meantime, I am doing everything in my power to boost my milk supply. I am trying to give him breastmilk for as long as possible. However, if my boobies don't work, at least I know I have a backup plan.

How am I so dumb people? I can't believe I thought it would be okay to give my kid straight formula for the first time. With his gag reflex and reflux, this was a dumb idea.

First Formula

This is going to be a quick post, but tonight, we are giving Jack his first formula bottle. We don't have a choice unfortunately. I am not able to keep up with his eating. I am only pumping about 30 ounces a day and he generally eats a little more than that. It's only a 2 ounce deficit, but I am not freezing as much as I am taking out of the freezer.

Before the stash gets completely depleted, I want to start him on formula so he can get used to it. I will keep pumping for sure, but going back to work has definitely affected my supply. I knew it would. I have had a long time to get used to the idea.

Surprisingly, I am not disappointed or sad. I am actually liking the idea of transitioning him at some point. Not having to lug my pump to work and deal with the sore nipples. Or washing bottles that I have pumped into.

We will see how tonight goes. My husband is going to give it to him in the middle of the night during his feedings. I hope he tolerates it.

Oh, and no snarky comments about giving my baby formula. He has nothing but breastmilk for almost 5 months. Give this hardworking mama a break.

Our Roles

I am sure I have talked about this before, but I have a wonderful husband. He helps out immensely when it comes to caring for Jack. Even on Father's Day, when Jack was very fussy, he helped out and played with the baby. I was going to give him a "free pass" for the day, but he wasn't having it.

Jason and I work different shifts, which means we hardly see each other. On a good note, this also means that he cares for Jack at night. Here is a rundown of our schedule:

5:00 am: I wake for the day, shower and get ready
6:00 am: I take over caring for Jack. I change him if Jason hasn't done so already and get him dressed to go to Karen's.
6:15 am: Jason goes to bed
6:30 am: I take Jack to daycare
6:40 am - 4:00 pm: Jack is at daycare
2:00 pm: Jason wakes up and gets ready for work
3:00 pm: Jason arrives at work
4:20 pm: Jack and I get home and play, eat, get ready for the next day, play, eat, nap. Play, eat, nap. Did I mention playing and eating?
7:15 pm: Change into jammies and get a final diaper change for the night
7:45 pm: Jack goes to bed
7:45 pm - 8:45 pm: Mommy does things around the house (packs lunches, washes bottles, surfs the interwebs).
8:45 pm: I bring Jack to bed with me
11:15 pm: Jason arrives home from work
11:15 pm - 5:00 am: Jason cares for Jack

See the nice chunk of time that Jason takes care of Jack? That means I get to sleep. That also means that my sweet husband gives Jack his bottles, burps him, puts him back to sleep and miscellaneous baby care that comes with the territory.

These roles work for us. There are pros and cons. The biggest pro is that I get some sleep. The biggest con is that I hardly see Jason. This has how it's been since we have been dating so it's not a huge surprise. Some days I wish he had a normal schedule, but then I remember I would probably be getting up with the baby in the middle of the night if this were to happen.

I can't say how much I appreciate that Jason helps out so much with Jack. I tell him time and time again just how much help he is and that I love him. Of course, I can't tell him enough. Maybe he will read this and see just how thankful I am.

How We Live

I am stealing this idea from someone else's blog (thanks for the idea Ibis!). She posted pictures of her house in its current state. I wanted to do this as well.

Since we have such a tiny (very tiny) house, it is important to me to keep it tidy. Not necessarily spotless, but tidy. I try to keep the clutter to a minimum.

Without further ado, here is our house in its current state:

This is our living room, where I spend the majority of my time. Food Network is on in the background (yes, my child is subjected to tv, gasp!!!). On the coffee table is a variety of baby paraphenalia. Bottle, pacifiers, burp cloth. I always have a water bottle and my cell phone. I reuse water bottles so recycle Nazi's can calm down. My pill bottle sits here also because I will forget to take them unless they are right in front of my face.

You can see that there are baby toys in the middle of our living room. Jack and I play here when he's awake and happy. If he's awake and not happy, I pace around the living room trying to get his gas out or just walking and holding him.

We got back from errands earlier, so Jack's carseat and diaper bag are by the front door. They usually sit there, unless company is coming over. Then I move them to his room.

The basket below the coffee table also has a variety of baby stuff: Extra burp cloths, gas drops, his swaddle blanket and extra pacifiers. Even though our house is small, I am lazy and don't feel like getting up and going into Jack's room to get his necessities.

The Boppy sits on the couch, or on the back of the couch, depending on if Jack is awake or asleep. He sleeps in the Boppy in the living room at night when Jason watches him. Since he wakes up every hour or so, Jason hates to put him in the crib. He can see when he starts to stir and can attend to him much more quickly this way. Yes, I know, this sets up some bad habits for later. We don't care.

My laptop usually sits on the end table (you can see the cord on top). The bouncer is over in the corner easily accessible for when we need it.

Below the end table you can see my pump. I leave it here all the time on the weekends. I pump right on the couch in front of the window. Don't worry, I cover up so no one can tell what I am doing. I personally don't want to close the stupid window every time just in case someone walking by might see and get offended. They can shove it.


Our tiny kitchen. Notice the laundry in both the washer and dryer. I do all our laundry on Saturday. When I was home on maternity leave, I would do a load every other day. Now, I do about four to five loads on Saturday. Notice the hamper in the corner and the small pile of dirty laundry on the floor. I told you my house isn't spotless.

On top of the dryer is Jack's bottles, my lunch bag and the bag I store Jack's bottles when he goes to Karen's. Since our kitchen is tiny, I utilize every bit of space I can.

The dish rack is always on the counter, unless we have company. I wash dishes all day because I can't stand to have dirty dishes in the sink. Oh hey, I am out of paper towels. That's the empty paper towel rack above the sink. Currently, when this picture was taken, there was no dirty dishes in the sink (I swear!).

On the other counter sits our microwave, coffee pot, knife block and utensil holder. Jack's bottle warmer sits on the stove. We move it if we cook or run the oven.


The last picture is Jack's room. His room is usually the most clean. Are you horrified that our pet rat, Lucy, is in Jack's room? Well, where else would we put her?

The only thing out of place in this picture is the sleeper on Jack's changing table. He wore it for less than 30 minutes this morning after he had a diaper blowout. I put a fresh sleeper on him and then ended up putting him in normal clothes after a while. I will just have him wear his sleeper again tonight for bed.

Our closet is off to the left in this picture. I occasionally will have some clothes on the floor. Usually, it's just my pajamas from the night before. Sometimes, I am lazy and will take my clothes off from work and throw them on the floor. I hang them or put them in the hamper later.


I refuse to post pictures of our bedroom. I am not a masochist. It's not dirty. It's just not perfectly spotless. It could use a good dusting and I don't typically make the bed every day. Plus, when I took these pictures, my husband was still sleeping.

This is how we live. It's not immaculate. There might be some dust on the picture frames and an item or two out on the coffee table, but there you have it. It's our tiny house. We made do when Jack came along. You don't need to have a McMansion to live with a baby. It might be easier, but it's not a requirement.

Thankful On Thursday

Taking a cue from my friend Jenn, I am going to try this today! After a stressful day at work and my last post of whining, I thought I could cheer myself up.

I have so much to be thankful for and it's nice to be able to remind myself of that.

1. Jack Jack - My baby is an absolute joy. He amazes me every time he does something new. Heck, he amazes and entertains me just by smiling. Melt my heart!

2. Coffee - Yes, I am thankful for coffee. It wakes me up every day and I love the taste of it. My favorite? A mocha from Seattle's Best.

3. My home - So many people are losing their homes in this economy. Our house may be small, but it's tidy and we own it! We have a roof over our head and I am grateful for that.

4. My health - Who cares if I have an extra 15 pounds that I would like to lose? I am healthy and free of disease. My body took me through pregnancy and a c-section. I recovered so quickly because I am healthy.

5. The sun - We haven't seen much of it lately, but when it does show up, it makes me all the more thankful for it. Please Lord send us some more!

Annoying Advice

We all get it right? That advice that makes you roll your eyes. The advice that you take politely but immediately dismiss. When I get annoying advice, it makes me mad. Especially when that advice eludes to the idea I might be doing something wrong as a mother.

"Is Jack sleeping through the night?" When I say no, I get all kinds of advice about starting him on formula or putting cereal in his bottle.

"Do you have him on a schedule?" Again, no. People seemed shocked or tell me that I better put him on one because he won't be happy, reach his milestones, etc. All kinds of bullshit (sorry).

It bothers me that people question my parenting style when I explain that Jack doesn't sleep through the night or isn't on a schedule. These are the two things I get asked most and they very much irk me. My child has reflux and doesn't eat very much at a sitting. This makes it not only hard for him to sleep, but makes it even harder for him to be on a schedule. He has a loose schedule and he has the same bed and wake time every day. Apparently that isn't enough for some Judgey McJudgersons out there.

Putting cereal in his bottle, giving him solids, forcing him onto a schedule, letting him cry it out when he wakes in the middle of the night, giving him formula......None of this are things I want for my child and people have a hard time understanding this.

These suggestions make me feel like I am being judged or my parenting style is being questioned. I am sure I get the side-eye from some of my coworkers and family members but you know what? My baby is happy and healthy. That is all that matters. None of the crap advice should.

I am still bothered by it though.

Does this child look like he's struggling or miserable?

I think not. I want to tell my coworkers to shove it. I want to be able to stand up to the critics and tell them that what I am doing as a mom is working for not only my child, but for my husband and I. I am not in a hurry to get him to do things that he's not ready for.

And if I hear any more comparisons to other children I am going to scream. "Oh my son had bad gas. Maybe that is what Jack has?". "Oh as soon as I put John on formula, he slept through the night. Maybe you should try that".

Le sigh. I know people are probably trying to be helpful, but this annoying and unwanted advice is going to make me go batshit crazy.

A Boob Post

This is not what you expect, but a boob post nonetheless.

I have always had an issue with the girls standing at attention. In high school, some of the guy's nickname for me was Nipples. Not a flattering nickname. Ever since then, I have worn super duper padded bras so the weather centers wouldn't predict cold. Working at Victoria's Secret for a period of time was awesome because I could be picky about the bras I wore making sure the nips weren't exposed.

Since I have been pumping exclusively, the girls have been.....how should I say this? Erect. No matter how much padding is in my bra, they are extremely noticeable. Even with my nursing pads, the girls are blinding.

Now here is where I am going to vent. Why must everyone STARE? It's so incredibly annoying. Men, women, dogs, everyone just stares at my boobs. I know they are distracting people. I know that I appear cold. I can't help it. I just want to scream at them "STOP IT!". Even at work, people's eyes automatically gravitate to my chest. I cannot wear bulky sweaters since it's now June. I can't fathom adding more padding to my bras. They are already padded enough.

What is a girl to do? I want my girls to be un-noticeable. The attention that my boobs are getting is not the attention I would prefer to get.

If anyone has any solutions, I would love to hear it. I may have to resort to wearing three sports bras at once if this doesn't resolve itself soon.