I am depressed. Let's just get that out there. Yes, I have a beautiful, healthy baby, but I am sad. I have fought this for six months and now it's time I do something about it.
Tomorrow I go see my doctor. I don't know if this is post partum depression or just a really bad funk.
It doesn't help that I am tired, virtually a single parent (my husband works swing and I hardly see him), try and maintain a household all by myself and have a very cranky baby with reflux who doesn't sleep.
I know, cry me a river right? Quit your whining? Is that what you want to say? It could be worse, suck it up Rachel. People would kill to be in your shoes Rachel. I know all this, but it still doesn't mean that I AM DEPRESSED.
My new goal is to try and enjoy the little things. When Jack laughs hysterically at something stupid I do. Or when he sleeps for 2 hours straight. Or when I get the first brownie out of the pan straight from the oven. Okay that last one isn't baby related, but it is still damn important!
I want to enjoy my baby. I feel like I have missed a lot of time with him because of the way I am feeling. I don't really talk about my feelings to anyone because, well, let's face it, being depressed is pretty depressing. No one wants to hear the woe is me story. I was told by someone (who shall remain nameless) that I should pray. I don't think praying is going to help solve all my problems but TYVM.
There you have it.
No apologies... the whole thing about depression is that it can hit you even when life is (almost) perfect. I hope the doc can help.
ReplyDeleteWish I could take you out for a coffee play date! :)