Wednesday, December 1, 2010

PPD Update

I realized that I haven't posted lately about my post partum depression and how I am doing.

Here's an update on me!

Most days, I am okay. I feel actually GOOD most days. I am going to counseling once a week and have addressed many of the issues about my depression and anxiety. My biggest issue is that I take things very personally and as a result, start doubting my abilities as a mom. This is something that I talk to my counselor about almost every week. I am getting a little less sensitive, but it's hard.

An example: On Thanksgiving, I visited my aunt and her family. Jack hadn't napped all day and was very cranky. I am used to this so it doesn't bother me. I do think it bothered my aunt and her family though. They made comments about his fussiness and when they did, I started questioning what I was doing. Am I being a bad mom by holding him when he's fussy? Should I let him cry it out?

One day, I hope to not be so sensitive to others' comments about my son and my choices as a mom, but who knows? Maybe I will always be this way.

My medication is helping quite a bit. There are days that I am still blue, but it's not because of my medication. It's usually because I am hormonal because of my period or just having a bad day.

I plan on continuing taking medication and seeing a counselor for a few more months. With my family history of depression, I have a feeling that my PPD will hang around for more than just the typical 6 months that my doctor hinted towards. When I feel ready, I am sure it will be a roller coaster, but I want to eventually wean myself off the meds. I want to be back to the normal "me".

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