Sunday, September 13, 2009

Body Identity Crisis

I am sure I will get all kinds of negative comments about this post, but oh well. It's how I feel and I can't change that.

I was chubby before I got pregnant. Not fat, but certainly I could have lost another 10 pounds or so. I have always thought "When I get pregnant, I will listen to my doctor and gain only the recommended amount". For me, that amount was 15-20 pounds because I was already a bit "fluffy". Easier said then done.

I am trying very hard to eat right and get enough nutrition for the baby. I track my calories on Baby Fit to make sure I don't overeat. I tend to get between 1900-2100 calories every day, which for me, is very high. Before getting pregnant, I was doing Weight Watchers and I would be lucky to make 1400 calories a day.

I get enough fruit, veggies, meat, dairy, etc. But why am I gaining weight so fast? My biggest fear is that I will go into the doctor on the 25th and he says to me "Packing on the pounds are ya?". This is my fault. I shouldn't even be stepping on the scale. Right there is the error that I make.

So how much have I gained? Well, I think it's 8 pounds. I am 18.5 weeks pregnant. I don't know if this is normal or not. However, it's 8 pounds. That is almost half of what my doctor wants me to gain total. I still have almost 22 weeks left to go. I'm in a pickle.

I am having issues with my body. I still don't look pregnant. I just look fat. People can't tell I am pregnant, however, I have gotten comments about my weight. "Oh, have you gained weight?" when I see someone I haven't seen in a while. These comments DO NOT help. My old clothes don't fit, with the exception of the fat pants I managed to retire over a year ago. Those still fit me. My shirts mostly do too. All 8 pounds of this weight is in my belly. I look like I am carrying around a keg.

I want to look pregnant, and feel good about myself, but I don't. Instead, I feel fat, gross and well....Gross. Not good. I should be feeling happy and joyful about this baby. I am happy about the baby, but can I please look pregnant already? I am tired of the stares from strangers and people at work.

Ugh, identity crisis. Like I didn't have a bad enough body image before.


  1. i'm sorry you feel that way. it is valid and i'm sure that you are not alone. come on baby...just pop out and let people know you are there.

    from a medical standpoint unless you have health problems like gestational diabetes or high blood pressure do not worry about the weight gain. it sounds totally normal.

    ((hugs)) hope you feel better soon

    ~ texas77~

  2. I think you're doing very well. I'm sure by now I have 12+ pounds on me, but I try not to worry about it, cause that's just the way it goes.

    As long as you're eating right and walking/exercising a bit, you're gaining as much as you/your baby needs. And you will pop in no time! You'll see it's very sudden, and with tight clothes people will start to notice. They're staring right now cause they're wondering if it's just fat or if you're pregnant, and that's a good thing. It means they'll be able to tell the difference soon enough.
    Hang in there, it'll get better! Look at the bright side: noone is touching your belly now! Enjoy, cause that will change soon! Hehe.
    Big hugs!