Woe Is Me

I am feeling sorry for myself lately. If you read my blog, you realize that I hardly complain about my husband or our funky schedules. Until today. It's really wearing on me. Some background: I work a normal (mostly) schedule of Monday through Friday from about 7:00am to 3:00pm. My husband works Monday through Friday from 3:00pm to 11:00pm. We have held this schedule for years and I am used to it.

What this means is that I don't see my husband at all, or very little during the week. Maybe a few minutes in the morning when we are ships passing in the night. Since he sleeps in on the weekends, we only get to see each other for a few hours on the weekend.

It sucks.

I am feeling more and more like a single parent these days. I get Jack up in the morning, get him ready, drive him to daycare, pick him up, feed him dinner, give him bath, put him to bed and deal with the whole sleep issue. I do all of the housework. Really, all of it. The only thing that my husband does is take the trash cans down to the curb. He doesn't take out the trash, I do that. Often, he will make himself a meal at night (when Jack and I are sleeping), and leave the dishes in the sink for me to do.

I am tired. I have a huge amount of respect for single moms. They work so hard. I am feeling a touch of that lately. In all fairness, single moms have it harder than me. I at least have a tiny bit of help on the weekends, and we do share about each other's day and are a team when it comes to parenting in general.

My husband goes out with his friends every Sunday night. I would prefer he stay home so he can have more time with his son since he only sees him for a few hours a week. But, I say nothing. It's important to him to spend some time with his buddies and I respect that. But again, I am tired, and *I* want some time with *my* friends.

This is the life I knew when I got pregnant. We have had this same schedule for years, but occasionally, it wears on me.

I feel like an insensitive bitch because I know someone very close to me that has her husband leave for a whole different state every Monday and doesn't come home until Friday. And I never once hear her complain.

I want to have dinner with my husband and our child like most families do. I would love to be able to clean the house together on the weekends, or go out to breakfast. Or heck, maybe take the baby to the zoo before 4:00 in the afternoon as a family. I do these things alone. I take Jack on outings all the time.

Yes, I sound like a cry baby. I will be over it soon. Maybe.