I Give Up

I am about ready to ditch breastfeeding altogether and just go to formula. I have had so many problems and every day is a new one. Jack not being able to suck, supply issues, angry eating, engorgement, having to pump to build a stash, etc. It's never ending.

The newest issue? My frozen breastmilk has gone bad. I noticed it last night when I made Jack a bottle for daddy to feed him. I have about 200 ounces of breastmilk frozen in bags in preparation for me to return to work. Our freezer is getting full so I told my husband that I would like to start using the frozen stuff. I am glad we tried this.

Back to my story. I made Jack a bottle last night and noticed it smelled. Not sour, not rancid, but just a strange smell. It appeared to be fine and he ate it. Don't freak out. I have read that if the baby eats it, it's not sour. I wasn't giving my kid spoiled milk.

This morning, since there was a little bit of milk left in the bag, I tried it. Holy crap! It tasted NASTY! Again, not rancid or sour. More like a soapy/metallic smell. According to Kellymom, this is a sign that you have excess lipase in your milk. This causes the milk to turn within a few hours sometimes.

Seriously? Yet another issue.

I am trying an experiment. I just thawed a bag of milk from four days ago. I want to see if it has the same taste/smell. If it doesn't, I will just work backwards and determine at what point my milk goes bad. Then I can keep only that timeline on hand in the freezer. Pain? Absolutely. But apparently it's necessary.

This is getting ridiculous. Why can't feeding my baby be easy? I am amazingly jealous of anyone who has no issues. I can deal with engorgement and leaking. I cannot deal with the constant worry that Jack is getting gross milk, enough milk, or feeding properly. It's extremely taxing and depressing. I don't want to be depressed but it's extremely hard.

I am ready to throw up my hands and just do formula. It's expensive but maybe it's worth it for my sanity. I don't want to do formula. Really I don't. I have a lot of pressure put on me from certain family members and I don't need the McJudgy attitudes from them.

Now, a question. Is it possible that my milk tastes bad because of something I ate that day? Would that cause an issue with the frozen stuff? If that's the case, maybe I don't have to worry.

What issue will I have tomorrow? Hmmmm, I bet I get mastitis or something. It would not surprise me. After all, I can't go more than a couple of days without some issue.