Saturday, June 13, 2009

Can I Catch a Break?

Seriously, between this back pain and this spotting, I am going to die an early death.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed after a good night's sleep. I went to the bathroom as I always do blood. I know brown is okay, but when I see red, I panic. So that's exactly what I did. I thought the worst and resolved myself to the fact that I was having another miscarriage.

After an hour and some reassuring posts from friends (online friends), I decided to call my mother. She suggested I call the doctor. Now why the heck didn't I think of that? Before I called the doctor, I thought I would take a shower. If they wanted me to go to the emergency room, I wanted to be clean and have shaved legs. Only *I* could think of such ridiculousness at a time like that.

So, I called the doctor and the on-call called me back. He was very nice. He reassured me that red spotting is not uncommon. Unless it's accompanied by severe cramps, I shouldn't worry. Now, of course, that is easier said then done, but I will certainly try. I explained my past history of miscarriage and that it started out with brown blood before. Again, he said try not to worry and that many women have spotting and even heavy bleeding in their first trimester. He suggested it could be implantation bleeding or the placenta growing and attaching itself.

I felt a little better. Better enough to go outside and do some weeding in my vegetable garden for a little while. Trust me, it took my mind off things, even if for an hour.

I can't stop thinking that I might miscarry. If I do, there isn't anything I can to stop it. I just have to understand that it's my body's way of getting rid of a pregnancy that otherwise wouldn't be viable.

I am going to take it easy tonight. Rest, eat some pizza (I have been craving it something fierce), and watch some tv. Hopefully I will still be pregnant tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.

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