Thursday, June 11, 2009

Le Sigh

Well, I'm spotting. Not red spotting, just a little brown. However, before you say "Brown spotting is common in early pregnancy", I would just like to say that with my miscarriage, this is exactly how it started. I had some brown spotting (never any cramping) that continued for a few days. Now, if I see any more brown tomorrow, it might send me into a panic.

I am really praying and wishing that nothing is wrong. I want this baby so much. My husband wants this baby so much. I don't think I could emotionally handle another miscarriage.

I know that jinxing yourself isn't possible, but I can't happen to help but think that maybe I brought this upon myself. Was I too excited about this pregnancy? Was I too complacent? Am I not taking care of myself enough? I can second guess myself all I want but that doesn't change the fact that this pregnancy is out of my control. It's in God's hands. I will just have to remember to pray and ask for His will to be done.

Please stick around little baby. I love you so much already!

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