38 Week Appointment

I realize that I never updated after my 37 week appointment. I had all kinds of lab work done and everything came back normal and negative. I do not have GBS and my bile salts and kidney function tests al came back normal. That just means that my swelling is not caused by anything alarming. It's just normal pregnancy swelling.

Today was my 38 week appointment. I was hoping and praying for some progress, but was completely expecting for none. See my theory is expect the worst but hope for the best. That way, I can't be disappointed.

I had an internal and low and behold, I am only effaced 60%. Not dilated at all. Which means that Walter Goblin is comfy and not ready to come out yet. That's okay. I can live with that.

I asked my doctor if he could measure me and possibly guesstimate how big the bean is. He said "sure" and started probing away. I told him my theory while he was kneading biscuits out of my belly. "My friends and family all think I am having a small-ish baby. I want to see your opinion". Well, he smiled.

"You aren't having a small baby. Right now, he appears to be around 8 pounds".

SEE? I knew it! As much as I don't want to be right about this particular fact, I always knew he was going to be big. I have always guessed that I would have a baby that was over 9 pounds. It looks like I might be right after all. Take that family and friends! I told you so. Neener neener.

I realize I should not be happy about having a giant kid, but I am the type of person that loves to be right. This also means that my chance of having a c-section is going to be higher. It is what it is. I can't do anything to change that. I can hope for a vaginal birth but if I have a c-section, it's not the end of the world.

The good news? I apparently am good at growing big, healthy babies. The bad news? He might not fit into many of his newborn clothes.

Outside Baby Please!

I would like to preface this post by saying that of course, I want my baby to be perfectly healthy and because of that, I will hold out for another two (or three weeks) to make sure that he is. So no complaints about how I want my baby to come early. If you have ever been pregnant, I am sure you will understand the point of this post.

I am miserable. Seriously. I do not feel good at all. Not that my pregnancy has been a joy to begin with, but as it gets closer and closer to the end, I feel more and more gross. Tonight for example: My belly is so rock hard (I assume because of Braxton Hicks contractions) that it literally hurts. Every time this little guy moves, he bumps against my cervix and that hurts. I can't breathe, can't eat a lot because of severe stomach shrinkage and heartburn.

He is running out of room, that is evident. Evident from the way my lopsided belly looks, evident from the comments from my coworkers ("Oh my God, you are huge!"), evident by the way mommy feels in general.

It is getting very hard for me to walk. I don't think I have dropped yet and I haven't lost my mucous plug (ew!) so I don't think labor is coming any time soon. I can't walk because I have a 7.5-8.5 pound baby resting on my cervix. I can't walk because my feet are so swollen and painful that it hurts every step I take. I can't walk because my lungs are so squished that I pant and have to stop every third step.

I go to the doctor tomorrow for my 38 week appointment and I am hoping and praying for SOME progress. Something. Even a little effacement or dilation. I have a feeling I am going to be disappointed however. So I just need to be prepared for that.

I keep hoping that all my little symptoms are labor symptoms. I woke up last night feeling very crampy. So much so that it honestly felt like I was getting my period. Even though I know that's not possible, that is exactly what it felt like. I got out of bed and started pacing around the house like a lion because it was pretty uncomfortable. I was hoping and praying that labor was starting, but alas, here I sit.

Sometimes the pain and pressure are so bad that it takes my breath away and all I can do is sit out the pain and just breathe. I guess it's good practice for when I go into labor. As I type, he is resting on my cervix. Every little shift is like a lightning bolt of pain.

My coworker, who is due the day after me is currently at the hospital having her baby and I am very jealous. I have another two weeks to go. Again, I want el bambino to be healthy. So, I will tough it out. But honestly, I want an outside baby!

Should I resort to all the old wive's tales and start labor? I am torn because again, he will come when he is ready and I am afraid to force anything that isn't supposed to be. I do have a couple of recipes that are "sure fire labor starters". My husband has a friend who has a spaghetti recipe that induces labor and there is a cookie recipe I want to try. And of course there is always sex (unlikely to happen) and tons of walking.

I love you little Jack and hope you come soon! But don't come until you are healthy! Your daddy and I can't wait to meet you.

Happy Feet

No, not the movie, although that would be a much more pleasant post. I am talking about my actual feet.

Pregnant feet are not pretty. Correction: 38 week pregnant feet are not pretty. For the past three weeks, I haven't been able to recognize my feet. They have gotten so incredibly swollen. The swelling started with my hands and quickly moved to my feet. I have nicknamed them my Barney Rubble feet. You know, the kind where they look like one big indistinguishable lump? That's me!

I had to buy new shoes. That was hard. I always thought I would continue to wear cute heels until I deliver. Well, I still would be if I could fit into any of my heels. I can usually squeeze them on my feet, but after a few minutes, they look just gross. Like muffin top, but with shoes if that's even possible. My comfy running shoes were even getting tight, so I bought new shoes. I didn't spend a lot because the thought of spending a lot of money on shoes that I would only wear for less than a month was not appealing. Thankfully, I found two pairs at Target and spent $20 on both pairs (yay for clearance). Are they cute? Not really. But they fit. Here's the sad part: They are a whole size bigger than what I normally wear and they are still sometimes tight.

Sad sad sad. Enter today. My wonderful mother-in-law bought me a gift certificate to get a manicure and pedicure for Christmas. I haven't had the time to go but today, I made the effort. As soon as I logged off from work, I went to the nail place. Can I tell you how wonderful it felt to have my feet rubbed? Holy hell, if I could go in there every day, I would. Sadly, my wallet wouldn't like me very much.

I still have disgusting, swollen feet but hey, at least they are painted cute! I am forewarning you. If you get grossed out easily, don't scroll down.

Really, don't say I didn't warn you.

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Last chance!

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Here they are in all their swollen glory! Barney Rubble feet!

My Best Friend the Couch

I figure I might as well get most of my blogging out of the way since pretty soon, the babe will be here and I won't have as much time.

The past few nights, Jason has arrived home from work to find me passed out on the couch. I honestly can't help it. It is way more comfortable than our bed. I am finding myself getting more and more stir crazy and uncomfortable trying to find a place to sleep. If I try to sleep in our bed, I just toss and turn and get up fifty times a night to pee. It's hard for me to roll over and sometimes I get too hot. My solution to these problems have been to either sleep on the couch for part of the night, or when Jason comes to bed in the morning.

I honestly wish I could sleep on the couch every night. That wouldn't be conducive to Jason's gaming habit however. With our computer now out in the living room, he can't play games or be a boy with me sleeping on the couch two feet away. But I just can't help it! The couch is just so comfy! It has good back support, it's cushy, and my kitties usually keep me company.

I wonder if I could move the couch into the bedroom? That might solve all my problems.

Vent of Sorts

The point to this post is to vent about two things, although, I am sure I will think of more. Ha!

Vent number one: Why do people try and get you to disclose your name choice even after saying you won't be sharing? No, sorry random friend I only speak to once a year, you won't be finding out. Sorry mother-in-law and mom, you won't be finding out either, no matter how much you beg and plead.

Why did we decide to keep the name quiet? Because people have opinions and we don't want to hear them. We don't want to hear the "oh I know a guy with that name and he's a jerk" or "Are you sure? Aren't you worried about him getting made fun of?". Our name choice is not bizarre by any means, but we aren't sharing. End of story. Unless you are an internet stranger because I don't care about your opinion. I will share with you.

Vent number two: Why do people feel the need to either call every day or comment every day that I am STILL PREGNANT!? So annoying. My mother-in-law, who I adore with all my heart, thinks she is being sneaky by calling to "see how I am doing". Well MIL, you don't fool me. I know why you are calling. I am doing just fine thank you and no, I am not in labor. Don't worry, you will be one of the first people to know when I do go into labor. Don't fret my pretty one.

And to the random person in the bathroom at work, yes, I am still here. You really don't need to shriek "OH MY GOD, YOU ARE STILL HERE?!". It's not like I am 41 weeks pregnant. I am not even 38 weeks yet. I still have a full two weeks to go. I promise you, I will not go into labor in the bathroom or in the elevator and soil your shoes. Geez, calm down people! I am fine. All is well in the world. I am still pregnant and when I am not any longer, the world will continue to rotate.

You may now resume your regularly scheduled program.

My Birth Plan

This title is a slight oxymoron on its own just because you can plan all you want, but likely, it will go out the window. As I near the end of my pregnancy, I am trying to decide everything in regards to my "plan".

I always knew I would want an epidural because let's face it folks, I am a huge wimp. I do not tolerate pain well at all. When I had my miscarriage, I had to take misoprostol to induce the miscarriage. Miso makes you contract and expel the baby. I have never been in such pain in my entire life. I have broken my nose, had stitches in my head, gotten ear infections, dry socket after having my wisdom teeth out and other maladies. However, NOTHING could prepare me for that pain. Even on very high doses of pain medication, I couldn't even move off the couch. All I could do is just lay there and wait for the wave of contractions to pass. Breathing didn't help, getting into different positions didn't help, nothing.

Page forward 18 months later. I know that actual labor is going to be one hundred times worse. I am not looking forward to it. Here is my plan. Again, this is laughable because I am sure it will not happen anything like I hope.

If my water breaks at work, I have a friend all ready to drive me to the hospital. This is actually the ideal situation. I can get my desk cleaned off, let me boss know I am out of there and forward my phone to voicemail. All likely not to happen based on curious coworkers trying to come over and chat and my pain threshold (see above).

If my water breaks at home, I want to take a shower and get all groomed. After all, my mother-in-law will be there for the delivery and if she sees my hoohah, the least I can do is shave. I have a towel under the sheets on our bed in case it breaks while I am sleeping. If it breaks in the middle of the night, I can just go get Jason. He will be awake anyways since he works swing shift.

Likely to happen: I am not going to have my water break. Likely what will happen is that I will be induced because I am overdue.

Also likely to happen: Something embarrassing like having my water break at Costco or on my way to work taking the train.

My husband and mother-in-law will be at the hospital with me. I am not sure exactly when Lynn will get a phone call. Whether we call her right away or wait until we get to the hospital. That is one element I haven't decided.

I want pain meds, however, I am going to try and hold out until I am 5cm dilated. I have heard and read that if you can hold out that long, your labor is less likely to stall. However, I am trying to be open minded. Why? Because again, I am a huge wimp.

Likely to happen: The first contraction I will be begging for meds. I bet I won't even be dilated.

Now, depending on how I feel at 5cm, I will re-evaluate the pain med situation. If I feel good, I might just keep going without. Who am I kidding though? This is UNLIKELY to happen.

The hospital I am delivering at has a jacuzzi tub. Depending on how I feel and if I am not already hooked up to an IV, I might labor in the tub. Again, another UNLIKELY. I probably won't feel up to it, but the hot water and jets sure sound good.

So there, that's my plan. I am sure it's all going out the window once my water breaks (if it even does break). I will probably be an out of control madwoman. Running around crazy, forget to shower or even brush my teeth, and probably will even forget my darn hospital bag.

Oh well, one can only hope right?

The Carseat

The ending to last weekend was the installation of the carseat. Well, I take no credit. My husband did it all himself. First off, we bought a travel system. It came in the biggest box I have ever seen. The nice thing was that the carseat was already assembled. The stroller was another story.

Jason installed the base in less than 10 minutes. I was extremely surprised. We will see just how well it's in there when I go to the firestation tomorrow to get it inspected. Next up is a second base to be installed in his car.

So the point to this blog post was to point out my absolute and utter klutziness. Jason had finished putting together the stroller and we decided to take everything out to the car and just store it in the trunk. I had the empty carseat to snap into the base and Jason carried the stroller.

I am walking out to the car and being my usual graceful self, I fell flat on my ass. I did impress myself however because I managed to hold up the carseat so it didn't hit the ground. My pants were covered in mud, and my pride was wounded. Of course, Jason was freaked out. "Oh my God, are you okay?!" Yes honey, I was fine. Just a little muddy. He then says "Don't do that with the baby in the carseat". Okay, I feel bad enough as it is, don't make me feel worse.

I clean myself off and decide I am fine. It was just my big butt after all. I didn't hurt myself at all. Later in the Goblin household:

Jason: So here's what you need to do. When you go somewhere and need to use the stroller, you need to take the stroller out of the trunk, set it up and THEN go to the car and get the baby.

Me: ...............................Um, what?

Jason: You didn't know that?

Me: Of course I knew that. Do you think I am stupid? What am I going to do? Take the baby out, leave him on the ground and then set up the stroller?

Jason: Well, you have never done this before, I want to make sure you know how it works.

Me: You have never done this before either!

Men.

His Room is DONE!

I am so excited! I love how it turned out and how tidy it is. I am a very tidy person to begin with, so it's no surprise that Walter Goblin's room is very tidy and organized. The last batch of pictures gives you an idea of how everything is going to look.

This weekend was spent at my baby shower (I will post a whole separate post about that tomorrow) and cleaning and organizing and finishing Walter's room. I probably should stop calling him Walter now that we have a name picked, but oh well. We haven't shared his name yet, so nicknames are still okay.

Without further ado, here is his room!

This is the view looking in from the door.

We decided on a dresser rather than a changer so he could use it as he gets older. And being that I am slightly paranoid, I didn't hang his framed pictures over the dresser or his crib.

Here is the organizer with all his changing supplies.

The first shelf holds his diapers and diaper cream.
The second organizer holds extra diapers as well as his health and grooming kit.
The third organizer holds burp cloths.
The fourth organizer holds extra wipes.

Here is his bouncer and diaper pail.

This is his bookshelf. It has his monitor and an extra lamp as well as his stuffed animal collection so far. A lot the books are from my childhood.

Here is his crib. We are using a breathable bumper and even though the quilt is hanging there, we won't be using it IN the crib. It's just decoration for now. I love my dinosaur Boppy cover too!

This basket holds all his receiving blankets. We got a lot of them!

We are sharing a closet and this is his side. The clothes hanging are his clothes and outfits. The dresser holds things like onesies and sleepers. The bins all hold something different.

One bin has bottles, extra nipples and pacifiers.
The next bin has hats, socks, bibs and baby mittens.
The organizer holds towels, washcloths, crib sheets and extra blankets.

These are his toys that he has accumulated so far. I love his Seahorse!

His dresser is organized as follows:

Drawer One: Onesies sorted by size and sleeve length.
Drawer Two: Sleepers sorted by size
Drawer Three: Extra diapers
Drawer Four: Extra mattress pad covers, some blankets and Boppy covers
Drawer Five: Empty
Drawer Six: Extra baby wash, lotion, health care items

Onesie drawer:

Sleeper drawer:

It sounds really cheesey, but I love going into his room and poking through all his stuff. It makes everything more "real" knowing that we are now prepared for his arrival.

Let me know what you think of his room! I don't have the decorating gene, but I still love it.

36 Weeks

I can't believe that theoretically, I have about a month to go. That doesn't sound like much time at all. I remember back when we were getting married, a month sounded like an eternity, but it really flew by. I expect the next month to fly by.

I had my 36 week doctor's appointment yesterday. At this point, I am going in weekly. My doctor was on vacation so I saw a new doctor, which was perfectly fine. She was very nice. The only awkward thing was that I had never met her before and she ended up doing an internal and group B Strep test. Fun! "Hi, nice to meet you, feel free to poke around in my lady bits".

Now, before my appointment, I need to um.....groom myself. If you have ever been pregnant, you will understand that this is difficult. You have a belly in the way and it's impossible to see what you are doing. I kind of go in blindly, hope I don't slice any sensitive bits and rely on a mirror to see if it's even. Well, this was me yesterday morning. Thankfully, all is well and I can report that I went to my appointment, the bits were all in tact and I didn't feel like a hairy disgusting beast at my appointment.

Here was the appointment in a nutshell: Pee in a cup, weight (ugh), Group B Strep test in both the vagina and rectum (gross), internal exam to check the cervix (I am not dilated, yay!), look for the baby's heartbeat, feel for his head, concern about water retention and lab work.

The doctor couldn't find his head (isn't that a pretty important body part?) so she wheeled in the ultrasound machine. I wish she had looked for longer because I would have loved to see his little face. She literally turned it on, checked, found that he was head down and turned off the machine. I only got to see the top of his head. Bummer. He is head down, which he has been since probably about 28 weeks. Now, let's hope the little bugger doesn't flip to breech.

I asked the doctor about my Barney Rubble feet and my severe itchiness. I could literally itch my skin off my feet, hands and legs if given the opportunity. She think it's probably from the intense swelling, but she sent me to the lab just to make sure. I had a liver and kidney panel run to make sure that my levels were all okay. I am sure I am fine. After all, my feet are so swollen that I can't wear any of my shoes. I honestly cannot find my ankle bones anymore.

So all kinds of pokes and prods at my appointment yesterday. Fun times! Baby Walter is well, I am well for the most part (I just wish I could wear shoes) and I have about a month to go. Eeeek!

Blessed

I am really behind in my blogging, so this weekend, I made a promise to myself that I would catch up. Why the title of my post? I had a baby shower at work on Monday and I cannot believe how generous people were! I guess people love buying baby stuff. I am trying to tell myself that people bought a lot because they love and care for me, but that sounds really uppity.

Three of my dear friends at work planned my shower. I told them nothing fancy. I didn't want them spending a lot of money. Just a cake and pregnant lady will be happy! I walked into the room and first off, they had decorated it so beautifully! There were tons of balloons and dinosaur decorations everywhere! Our theme is dinosaurs (see earlier posts for examples) and they did such a good job. The plates, cups, forks and tablecloth all coordinated. I wish I had some pictures to post, but those will come later.

Second, and one of the most special things, was that my coworker from Idaho flew in for the shower! I was so surprised and touched. She paid for the plane ticket herself. Isn't that wonderful? She is seriously the most kind and sweet person ever. I could write a whole post just about how nice this woman is. Seriously.

There were about 19 people at my shower. Now, when I say that, remember for the end of this post. You will understand. One of my dear friends couldn't make it, but she sent me a beautiful email with a picture of my shower gift. I might cry if I explain it too much, but she searched and searched high and low for a John Lennon elephant. If you pull his tail, he plays the song "Imagine". He is light blue and will be perfect to hang in our little guy's crib. I am getting all teary eyed just typing this. I love you Bonnie!

I have a phobia with opening gifts, but I think I did really well! It's hard for me to have everyone staring at me to see my reaction. What is even more funny is that in every picture, I have the strangest look on my face. We played some fun games, ate some yummy cake (decorated with dinosaurs of course!) and chatted.

I got so much stuff that it filled my entire trunk going home! We got a lot of our "essential" items that were still on our registry. Boppy, the baby bouncer, our monitor, baby hangers, tons of bath products, a very cute diaper cake, amazing clothes (seriously the cutest clothes I have ever seen), toys, a super soft elephant stuffed animal, onesies, baby medicine, diaper cream, blankets (all in dinosaur patterns), some toys and rattles, crib sheets, books, gift cards, and other "beauty" products. Can you believe it? Everyone was so generous.

Remember when I said there were 19 people there? Well, look at this:

That is my couch. FULL! That all came from 19 people! People spent way too much on Baby Walter. This is why I am so blessed. Jason and I hardly have anything that we "need" to buy off our registry now. We will use the gift cards we were given and pick up things like the extra car seat base, our pack n play and the baby swing. Other than that, we are DONE! He has plenty of clothes, diapers, baby products and toys to last him quite a while.

What is even more scary is that I have my family shower today. Another shower! I will definitely be posting about that later this weekend.

I have such great friends. Really I do.

I'm Exhausted

It could have something to do with the fact that it's almost midnight and it also could be that today was spent cleaning and assembling nursery furniture. I can't really take much credit. My husband and his parents came over and did most of the work.

While my mother-in-law and I went to Target for some small furniture (a toy box for the rat and her supplies. Yes, you read that correctly. Don't freak out, pet rats are not gross) and other necessities, the boys put together the crib. Quite honestly, I thought putting the crib together would take a really long time. By the time we got back, the guys were mostly done. And I have to say, our crib is beautiful!

My mother-in-law and put together this nifty organizer thing that will sit beside his dresser to hold diapers, wipes and other baby changing gear. Amazingly enough, it matches the crib finish perfectly! The dresser still isn't here (grrrrr!) but we have a spot for it. Let's pretend that my husband's pile of stuff isn't sitting in the spot the dresser is supposed to be. He still needs to sort through some things.

Jason and his dad then hung the blinds (those were a real pain) and some of the curtain rods. By this time, it was close to 7:00 and we were all tired. Here I sit almost 5 hours later still going. I am sorting through his clothes, making piles to wash and hanging curtains. I also put some books on his bookshelf. It's sadly very empty still. I guess I will just have to fill it with toys and more books!

So, without further ado, here are some pictures. Consider these very rough drafts. We still have a lot of organizing and cleaning to do.

Here is a picture looking in from the door. The blinds are Roman shades from JC Penney. I made the curtains and the valances out of some really cute dinosaur fabric.

The things in the corner are those that Jason still needs to sort through. It's mostly leftover stuff from the computer room (now the baby's room). His dresser will go where all that stuff is piled. The little shelf between the toy box and and junk is for his diapers and wipes and other changing supplies.
Here is his crib and bookshelf. Isn't his crib nice? I swear it's nicer than our own bed.


His bookshelf which still needs a lot more stuff on it! I need to fluff the curtains up still and find some tie backs for them.

Close up of his crib. I made the quilt and the pillows that are in his crib.

These curtains hide the closet. The boy and I are going to share a closet.

Clearly I still need to organize the closet. CLEARLY! Now you know why the curtains are a necessity.


Baby's first pet. Yes, it's a rat. It's really okay. Rats are perfectly nice pets. We have had Lucy for about a year. The toy box she sits on houses all her supplies.


Neither Jason nor I really wanted to invest a ton of money into a nursery. I was never blessed with the "decorating" gene so a simple room is all we need for our little guy. We still need a few more things, like a lamp and obviously his dresser. I don't know that I will bother with a rug unless I can find a dinosaur one.
I will post finished pictures once everything is all done.

My Fears

Besides having the normal fears of my baby being sick or something going wrong with the delivery, I have other fears. It's very hard to talk about them so bear with me.

I am fearful that my mother-in-law is going to love our baby more and is more excited than I am. Don't get me wrong, I already love him and am excited to be his mommy, but when every conversation with her revolves around the baby and thinking about what to be called as a grandmother, I worry. I have never done this before so my excitement is mostly masked by anxiety and nervousness. She cannot wait to be a grandmother. She has wanted grandbabies for as long as Jason and I have been together. I think she cried more than I did after I miscarried.

I am fearful that I am going to be a bad mother. I know next to nothing about how to take care of a baby. I haven't held many babies, haven't changed many diapers (especially in the last 12 years), and don't know what to do to soothe a crying baby. I can read books and watch videos but that doesn't tell you how to take care of *your* baby. My baby could be different than others and what if I don't know how to calm him down?

I am fearful that my husband and I won't have any relationship anymore. We hardly see each other as it is (different schedules) and I worry that by adding a baby into the picture, we will never see each other and that time will be spent talking or taking care of the baby. I get very emotional thinking that our lives will never be the same and it won't be just Jason and I anymore.

I am fearful that other people are going to take better care of my baby than I will. For example, what if my mother-in-law or my friend can get him to stop crying but I can't? They have had kids before so they have more experience. But how devastating would it be to think you have failed as a mother?

Everyone keeps telling me that my maternal instinct will kick in as soon as the baby is born, but what if it doesn't? What if I don't know what to do? I will have a lot of help, and for that I am grateful. I just hope that I am not a complete failure as a mother.

All I can really do is to prepare myself as best as possible and pray that everything will work out. This is the single biggest and most important thing that I am going to do in my life so I better not screw it up.