My Birth Plan

This title is a slight oxymoron on its own just because you can plan all you want, but likely, it will go out the window. As I near the end of my pregnancy, I am trying to decide everything in regards to my "plan".

I always knew I would want an epidural because let's face it folks, I am a huge wimp. I do not tolerate pain well at all. When I had my miscarriage, I had to take misoprostol to induce the miscarriage. Miso makes you contract and expel the baby. I have never been in such pain in my entire life. I have broken my nose, had stitches in my head, gotten ear infections, dry socket after having my wisdom teeth out and other maladies. However, NOTHING could prepare me for that pain. Even on very high doses of pain medication, I couldn't even move off the couch. All I could do is just lay there and wait for the wave of contractions to pass. Breathing didn't help, getting into different positions didn't help, nothing.

Page forward 18 months later. I know that actual labor is going to be one hundred times worse. I am not looking forward to it. Here is my plan. Again, this is laughable because I am sure it will not happen anything like I hope.

If my water breaks at work, I have a friend all ready to drive me to the hospital. This is actually the ideal situation. I can get my desk cleaned off, let me boss know I am out of there and forward my phone to voicemail. All likely not to happen based on curious coworkers trying to come over and chat and my pain threshold (see above).

If my water breaks at home, I want to take a shower and get all groomed. After all, my mother-in-law will be there for the delivery and if she sees my hoohah, the least I can do is shave. I have a towel under the sheets on our bed in case it breaks while I am sleeping. If it breaks in the middle of the night, I can just go get Jason. He will be awake anyways since he works swing shift.

Likely to happen: I am not going to have my water break. Likely what will happen is that I will be induced because I am overdue.

Also likely to happen: Something embarrassing like having my water break at Costco or on my way to work taking the train.

My husband and mother-in-law will be at the hospital with me. I am not sure exactly when Lynn will get a phone call. Whether we call her right away or wait until we get to the hospital. That is one element I haven't decided.

I want pain meds, however, I am going to try and hold out until I am 5cm dilated. I have heard and read that if you can hold out that long, your labor is less likely to stall. However, I am trying to be open minded. Why? Because again, I am a huge wimp.

Likely to happen: The first contraction I will be begging for meds. I bet I won't even be dilated.

Now, depending on how I feel at 5cm, I will re-evaluate the pain med situation. If I feel good, I might just keep going without. Who am I kidding though? This is UNLIKELY to happen.

The hospital I am delivering at has a jacuzzi tub. Depending on how I feel and if I am not already hooked up to an IV, I might labor in the tub. Again, another UNLIKELY. I probably won't feel up to it, but the hot water and jets sure sound good.

So there, that's my plan. I am sure it's all going out the window once my water breaks (if it even does break). I will probably be an out of control madwoman. Running around crazy, forget to shower or even brush my teeth, and probably will even forget my darn hospital bag.

Oh well, one can only hope right?