I am not sure when it became okay to ask someone if their pregnancy was planned or not, but I got asked this yesterday. I was so caught off-guard that I didn't know what to say other than the truth.
Scene: I was at the grocery store briefly after work to buy some milk and cereal.
Cashier: How are you? How is that cute little boy you have?
Me: He's doing good. He is going to be a big brother actually.
Cashier: Oh really? How old is he again?
Me: 18 months. He will be almost 2 when this baby comes.
Cashier: Wow, was this a planned baby? That seems like a short time period between babies.
Me: Uhhh, no it wasn't planned, but we are more than happy.
Yikes! How uncomfortable. I am an honest person so when asked, I tell people. But I didn't think it was really okay for an almost stranger to ask.
While I have said before that this baby was a surprise, that doesn't mean he/she isn't very much wanted. When I found out I was pregnant, I was in a state of shock for at least a day. Not because I didn't want the baby, but because it took 18 months to get pregnant with Jack. We did the whole planned timing thing and with this one, it honestly took one time. I don't mean that to be hurtful for anyone who has difficulties conceiving, I really don't. Another thing that I was in shock about was that our house is so small and I didn't know how we could handle another baby, or how we could afford another baby in daycare.
After the initial shock wore off (with huge help from my husband who was also shocked, but very happy), I became excited. I get to experience the baby stage again! This time around, I was determined to enjoy pregnancy and try and be more relaxed when the baby came.
It's amazing how my mentality changed literally overnight. One day I was in shock and the next I was already in love with my baby and wanted desperately for him/her to be healthy. So even though this baby was not planned, we definitely WANT this child.
Back to the comments from the grocery store cashier. I didn't think it was unusual for babies to be born approximately two years apart. My brother and I are two years apart. I have a friend who has two babies under one. My mother-in-law is one of 7 siblings, 5 of them born within 5 years of each other (5 under 5, wow). And, am I okay to be slightly offended that I was asked if my pregnancy was planned? Asking this question is almost like asking how much someone weighs, or if they breastfeed, both of which are uncomfortable questions to be faced with.
I suppose the point of this post is that yes, my child was a surprise, but nonetheless, we are excited and can't wait to meet our new little one. Secondly, don't ask a person if their pregnancy was planned unless you are good friends, and even then, it's awkward.